Learn to Be Still

Technology has come a long way...cell phones are no longer 10 pound bricks, televisions are flat, movies are in 3D, there are touch screen tablets...the list goes on.  Technology has allowed us to stay connected to everyone and everything around us.  How is someone feeling today - check Facebook.  How can I tell everyone what I am doing - use Twitter.  How can I avoid conversations and unwanted interactions - escape to the comfort of your smart phone or ipod/pad.  With everyone being able to see how you are feeling and with everything at your fingertips every second of every day...do you know how you TRULY feel and do you know how to survive on YOUR own?

Technology is a double edged sword.  It creates ease in everything we do.  We can get in touch with people we lost contact with long ago, we can text friends without calling to exchange messages, we can instantly watch and stream movies and television to any device...in many ways technology has made life easy and convenient...but that's not necessarily a good thing.

If we are always connected how do we ever think for ourselves?  Do you know how you honestly feel about the news or do you rely on others' comments to form your own opinion?  Do you act certain ways just because you know that the entire Facebook community can see it and judge you for it?  Do you avoid all personal interaction through the internet so that you don't have to cope with daily life?

There is an inherit danger with the advances in technology - we are forgetting how to be human.  Humans make mistakes...interact with friends through face-to-face conversations...solve problems by using their own logic and common sense or through trial and error.  For all of you that think that these are a waste of time or unnecessary YOU ARE WRONG.

Making mistakes, personal interactions, problem solving - these all help develop and sculpt your personality, mindset, and confidence.  If you have to rely on a mechanic to change your windshield wipers or check your oil...if you have to play a video game to find happiness...if you have to solve your problems by escaping into the vast internet...you are too dependent on society and technology to fix your problems and provide happiness.


People have forgotten how to live on their own and think for themselves.  Instead of taking a break and working things out we use technology to provide for anything and everything.  We no longer know how to find answers, peace, and happiness on our own.  We have forgotten how to find inner peace...we have forgotten how to be 'still'.


It is statistically proven that people who take a break outside in a park and away from the technological advances of life are genuinely happier and less stressed with their daily tasks.  Why?  The answer lies with what surrounds them.  Being disconnected can show you what you really need.  If you don't have to worry about your friend calling for dating advice every minute you can solve your own problems and worry about you.  You can leave the stress of your office behind and find freedom in the vast and tranquil world of nature.  


It is statically proven that those that complete manual labor are happier with their lives.  Manual labor will show immediate progress.  You will see the effects of your work and your effort unfold before you without having to wait for an internet connection or approval from your boss.  


It is statistically proven that those that choose to interact through personal methods are more confident.  If you ask a girl out in person how do you feel?  If you are asked out by a boy in person how do you feel?  Do you feel special in the fact that they took the time to seek you out and take a personal interest in you?  After all, people don't talk or associate with people that they don't want to be around.  Do you feel more accomplished when you get to see the pleasant astonishment of your superiors when they see the work and effort you put into your job?  Do you feel more loved when your family tells you how much you mean to them in person?  All of these situations will positively affect your life.  All of these interactions will increase your confidence.


With three statistical studies proving that technology can be detrimental we should all take a step back and learn to be still.  With the world falling into an ever deeper state of turmoil we all should learn how to take care of ourselves.  We should all learn how find our own answers...we should all learn how to be at peace with ourselves and the world.  We should all disconnect...


Challenge yourself and see what happens when you take a break.  Turn your phone off for an hour and take a scenic drive.  Take your significant other for a walk in the park and talk in person rather through instant messaging.  Use your own skills and creativity to fix little problems around the house and create fun and interesting projects.  

Technology will only continue to evolve and with that it will only be harder and harder to rely on yourselves and survive on our own...it will be harder to be silent, peaceful, and still. 

Fallacies of Heart & Mind

Every once in a while I find myself compelled to believe in a new idea...and not necessarily an idea but more of a 'wanted result.'  It has happened with careers...friends...family...relationships...you name it and it has happened.  Where do these beliefs come from?  Why do we grasp and hold onto beliefs that aren't necessarily true?

I was speaking to a young acquaintance as I gave him a ride home from work.  As we drove I proceeded to ask 'how's life?' in that friendly tone...whenever I ask this question I am merely creating small talk but the answer I heard caught my attention...'there's so much going on that I don't want to even think or talk about it dude'...

As the story unfolded I discovered that he was having troubles dealing with his parents.  He is approaching that age where he wants to be out on his own but has nowhere to go and as such his relationship with family has gone south...to the point where his mother left earlier that day after he yelled at her...she left out of town not to be heard from for a few days.

Thinking back on my teenage days I had little to say to him...except that no matter what he does he should be kind to his parents...the worst thing you can do is shut your parents out...the worst thing you can do is abandon your support structure...

What thoughts were running through my friend's mind to make him feel this way?  Was he angry that his parents were trying to protect him from the drugs and alcohol that he had consumed so many times before?  Was he upset that his parents tried to be a part of his life?

At the same time, what thoughts are running through his parents' minds?  Does my son not love me?  Did I fail as a parent?  Is he a lost cause?

Often times life throws curve balls...situations that lead us to follow thoughts and beliefs that are far from the truth.  Your heart...your mind...they effect how you react, think, feel...people often say 'follow your heart' and sometimes this is not the right choice.  Sometimes your heart and mind will falsify truths or place unwanted feelings of pain and distress...sometimes despite your best efforts you are wrong.

No one wants to believe that they are wrong.  No one wants to think that it was their fault.  No one wants to be hurt...so instead we create fallacies from within that we choose to believe.  When hurt and afraid it is far easier to place blame on others and justify your actions based on these accusations.  When frustrated and angry it is more convenient to yell and provoke others until you get your way.  When depressed or sad it is easy to play the victim. 

Your heart and mind are not a one way street.  Just because it is your heart doesn't mean you have to follow it.  Just because it is your mind doesn't mean you have to believe it.  It is normal to doubt oneself and it is normal to get angry, frustrated, or hurt.  Raw emotions like these will always alter your reality...but you ultimately choose when to listen and follow your emotions.

When lost and confused take a time out.  Think to yourself.  Talk to a friend.  Talk to your parents.  Listen to your music.  Relax...eventually the truths of your heart and mind will emerge.  It may be hard...it may take humility...it may be a long process...but you will be better for it...and you will be happier.

Never lie to yourself.  Teach yourself to find the real answers from within. Your heart and mind will always create fallacies...but only you know the truth. 

When Life Kicks Punch Back

I have recently developed a form of trigger finger...and it is indeed an actual diagnosis.  From what I understand trigger finger is a form of tendinitis...and for those that know me you understand how much of an inconvenience this is.  Many, if not all, of my releases from stress and life require my left hand...guitar...canyoneering...fishing...etc.

When I was first told of my condition I didn't really know how to react.  Will my hand ever recover?  Will I ever be able to enjoy my hobbies again?  Questions were flooding my mind...and later that day it all hit me...it's very possible that I won't ever get my hand back.

While I was driving home that night I realized how I truly felt.  While many of my passions depend on the use of my left hand I found joy in the fact that my daily needs and happiness were not affected by this unholy condition.  I could still move forward in my career...I could still be a great friend, brother, and son...I could still drive...I could still communicate...so why was I depressed?  Sure, I can't play guitar like I could a month before...but I can learn another way to play and I can help others play.  

The title of this entry states that when life kicks you to punch back...do you?  Everyday I see people affected by trivial matters that send them spiraling into a depression or mood that is very destructive and everyday I can name several things that those people have that they don't realize.  If your boyfriend breaks up with you then he obviously wasn't the right guy for you.  If you lost your job gather your resources and find another.  Anyway you look at it you can always correct your situation...and more importantly when you truly analyze the situation you will find that you lost absolutely nothing.

People never realize what they have in front of them.  They get so caught up in a superficial state of mind where looks, job, car, house, friends, etc. all describe and depict who you are and how successful you are.  Does any of that really matter?  Do you think that driving a Porsche makes you happy?  Do you think that because Mr. Johnson lives in a mansion that he is happier than you?

When life kicks you by throwing you unexpected and painful events punch back.  Right in the face.  Hard.  Life deserves it.  What right does life have telling you how to feel?  There is always positive and there is always a state of happiness...you just have to look for it.  

The more you punch back the more you will realize what is important...family, friends, living....you don't have to KO life...but learning the proper defensive techniques will sure save you from a lot of painful injuries.

What's YOUR Lifeline?

Life has led me into places I never knew existed...places that I thought impossible.  Am I what I want to eventually be yet?  No.  But I am getting there.  Although I have lengths to go I consider myself successful in my life's progression.  What has led me there?

As I look at those that are truly successful in life (successful in happiness and personal progress) I have realized one similarity that they all share...a lifeline.  In the television show "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" the contestants are granted three lifelines that can 'save' them from their mistakes and help them move on...I modified this term and have applied it to life...

My definition of lifeline has the same concept of helping you move on...but instead of calling a friend or eliminating wrong choices I use a saying, or 'line', that I live my life by.  My mentor uses "it is what it is"...I have known many that say "you only live once"...but in the last few months I have found the lifeline that I live by..."don't look back."

I have been to many places in my life...some of which were in the world around us (nature, cities, etc)...but most of these places were mindsets that I chose to reside in.  Sometimes my residence was short lived and other times I was the equivalent of a cockroach - a pest that wouldn't leave no matter what you did.  Many of those places were dark...depressing...and misleading.  I visited the prison of my mind and the tortures it can bring...I found the edge of sanity and almost jumped off...I found happiness and walked the extra distance to misery... 

In my recent excursions, however, I have visited some of the most beautiful places on earth.  I found the beauty of a loving family...I visited the depths of my own heart and found hope...I traveled far in search of true friendship and found it...I looked to the sky for guidance and found faith...

As I traverse these new places I came to the conclusion that I have to live my life without regrets...and without looking back.  Never in my life have I felt so free...and more importantly happy.

By not looking back I have realized what is important - my future.  My past actions are exactly what they are - my past.  Why should I let my past dictate who I am?  Why should I let my past choose the paths that I walk?  Why would I want to look back?

Our past actions don't make us who we are.  The choices we make today depict who we are at this point in time.  Not a single choice will drag you down...but many bad choices will.  On the flip side, not one choice will lift you up...but many good choices will.  The choices you make today will change who you become in the future.  No matter how dark your life is you can find light...and no matter how light your life is you can fall to darkness...

The point of life is simple...keep walking forward and don't look back.  Find what you want and keep walking until you find it.  You may take detours or run into obstacles that slow you down...but you can always make it to where you want to be.  

I chose my lifeline...and it has helped put life in perspective.  It has helped me see what I need to reach my overall goal of happiness and success...

What is your lifeline?

Beginning to Think...Striving to Find...Yearning to Change

Another year has come and past in my life.  When I think about where I was last year at this time compared to where I am today I find an extreme difference.  My health is fantastic, my life is directed, my goals reestablished, and my moral compass pointing north.  The biggest difference though is how I think now to how I thought then.

When looking at how much someone changes you often see the immediate results.  Maybe you see a new hair color...or maybe you see a new 'look'...or maybe you notice a change in language.  Whatever it is you notice isn't the change.  What you see is the byproduct of the real change - thought and mindset. 

Through this last year I developed several different mindsets.  It started with realizing I was wrong.

When you progress through life you develop comfort zones and areas of 'expertise' of knowledge.  When something comes along and questions this knowledge it is natural to get defensive and protective of what you were comfortable with.  With me I was comfortable with my health.  Once I was diagnosed, however, I developed a form of denial.  I thought because I was healthy before my diagnosis that I was healthy after.  I was wrong.  I spent five years in misery and struggle...five very long years. 

One day I decided to read a journal that I had started writing in daily.  When I wrote every entry I felt brilliant - like everything made sense...but I couldn't be more wrong.  What I read was riddled in dark and depressing thoughts that would frighten anyone and everyone. 

So I changed my thought process and sought help.

After beginning to develop a sense of a healthy lifestyle (after a long absence) I realized that I didn't have to settle for the career path that I had chosen.  I decided that I would attempt college.  I planned out everything...money...transportation...time management...jobs...and put my whole focus on gaining a better education. 

In this way I changed my thought process once again.

With two changes already under way, I felt that I should continue making steps to change my life.

And here I am.

I have started to reignite my spiritual thoughts.  I have paid off all of my debts.  I have changed.

The title of this entry states the order of the steps to changing one's self.  

You start by beginning to think. 

It isn't wrong to ask yourself if there is something more.  It isn't wrong to question why things are the way they are.  When you ask questions and look for answers you start to change how you think.  Sure, wondering how a toaster operates won't change your life.  In fact, it will most likely confuse you.  Confusion, however, leads to a deeper thought process.

Find why you want to change.  Why change unless you have a reason?  Usually, at least from personal experience, you need a trigger.  For me it was reading what I was really writing.  When you experience this event, however, you need to have something symbolize the experience so that every time you see it you are taken back to that memory...the pain...the joy...the emotion...

Symbolism is very important.  You never really think of the symbolism of every day life.  Whenever you see cars you immediately think of a symbol.  The same can be applied to your change.  If you have a symbol depicting your event then every time you see it you are taken back to your original mindset of why you want to change.

Finding symbolism leads to the final step - dedication.

With your new thoughts and your symbolism you need to stay determined.  Even though you have set up reminders and temporarily changed your mind set doesn't mean it will stay that way.  Just like I have mentioned in previous entries, change comes from within.  No one can tell you to change.  Only you.

Changing is not difficult.  Changing your thought process is.  When you gain control of your thoughts you gain control of the situation.  You can change anything and everything to positive and uplifting situations.  

Don't be a slave of your mind.  Make your mind work for you.  Begin to think...Strive to find...Yearn to be different.  Even if you constantly live within your own four walls where your mind resides, you can always cross the street to a new and better place.

A Different Kind of Friend (part 2)

The other day I had the joy of being able to discuss my ideas and thoughts with a young individual.  He is a great kid with a great heart...and he asked me why I like to think in deep and complex ways...so, I asked myself, why do I?  Why do I think the way I do?

It is actually a rather simple answer.  

The title to this entry is a different kind of friend part 2.  Part 3 is right around the corner...but in logical theory 2 comes before 3.  The answer is that I am a different kind of friend to myself.  

When growing up I was always concerned with what people saw in me...what they expected...what they wanted out of me...what they thought.  When you look at life this way, however, you eventually lose sight of who you are.  What once started out as your goals and hopes turned into another person's dreams.  Essentially, you are now living your life through them.

Then, as I grew older I finally came to the realization that I wasn't dreaming what I wanted to dream...I wasn't...me.  Unfortunately, I over compensated.  When you realize that you lost control you take control of the situation...and if you really lost control...lost sight of your own dreams...then you set out on an endless journey to prove the world wrong.

So I set out to make my mark on the world...to show everyone that I was the answer...

I was the answer...an example...of what not to do.  I learned that there has to be a middle ground.  You have to maintain your own goals and dreams but if you don't let others in to see and contribute then who do you share success with?  And in that case, is it really success if no one else witnessed it?

It is in this light that I discovered a new kind friend...you.  Do you ever sit back and spend time with "you"?  Do you know who "you" are?  I don't mean for these questions to be complex because they aren't.  I am simply asking on whether you do something for yourself everyday that you enjoy...not for someone else.  Do you know what you want and where you want to be?  If you can honestly answer these questions then you know who you are.  But did you know that who you are is one of the closest friends you will ever find?

In theory, you can only be friends with another entity...a person, animal, etc.  But what about befriending your thoughts...your ideas...your actions...your emotions?  So many people are afraid to talk about themselves and spend time doing something they love because they feel selfish.  Let's look at it this way...would you feel right if you were neglecting a best friend?  How about a family member?  Why is neglecting you any different?

You are your own best friend.  You are your biggest support system.  Your mind and thoughts control who you are and how you perceive life.  Don't neglect this friend.  Just like in real friendships with real people, when you care and tend to a relationship it will grow and blossom into something more.  The same can be said for you.  When you take care of yourself and get to know "you" something greater will blossom and come forth. 

Life changed drastically when I started to view myself as a major influence in my life.  I finally woke up and realized that being a manager was not my dream...at the same time, however, I realized that it was me that was stopping me from changing that dream.  When I finally took the steps to get to know me...to see who I really was I changed my own outcome.  I realized that I am my best friend.  When life gets me down I know that I can always go play my guitar (something for me) and I can pick myself up.

The trick my friends is seeing yourself as a friend.  There is a saying that asks if you are your own worst enemy...and most people are.  Doubt and fear and lack of faith in yourself will eventually destroy you.  Just like a real friend, however, your original thoughts and ideas can lift you up out of a slump and change the outcome of that day.  

As I mentioned in an earlier blog...you have to take care of yourself to take care of others.  In other words, you have to be friends with yourself...you have to enjoy being you...before you can take care of others and be a friend for someone else.

Don't be your own worst enemy.  Don't be afraid to do something you enjoy.  When everyone around you is gone you won't be able to count on anyone but God and yourself.  You are a different kind of friend.  You will tell yourself the truth, no matter how hard it is...and that reality will help you fix and uplift your day.  

You can pick and choose the friends you want to be around and be influenced by...but there is only one of you...if you can't befriend yourself then you shouldn't be a friend at all.

Self Confidence...the Key to Success

I have discovered lately that the perception I have about my performances and talents greatly changes the outcome of life event.  Have you ever noticed someone who can play the guitar amazingly but never goes anywhere with their talent?  How about those really "smart" kids in school?  How come some of those kids go on to achieve everything and others go nowhere?

Self confidence is the key to success.  Just because you are naturally smart doesn't mean you are confidently smart.  Just because you can play the guitar doesn't mean you can play confidently.  What is the difference?

Confidence is having faith in yourself and your performances.  When you have confidence you know that you can and that you will eventually succeed.  You have faith that the outcome will be positive.  When you are genuinely optimistic in how you view yourself you will find success.

Lack of confidence, on the other hand, places doubt within your mind.  You start to second guess yourself and create excuses.  I didn't pass the test because I lost my homework...I was fired because the manager didn't like me...I won't ever be as good as that musician so why play?  All excuses and doubts about yourself and your life.  Why even try if you feel that you will never succeed?

Sometimes success is in the eye of the beholder.  What many view as insignificant can be the biggest triumph to you...success is success, however, no matter how small or insignificant.  When you start to succeed you gain more and more confidence and faith within yourself until success is a normal occurrence.  The key is and always will be your level of confidence.

There are instances, however, where you can be overly confident.  It is in this manner that I bring a small bit of advice - there will always be instances of failure...just because you succeed time and time again doesn't mean that you can outrun an eventual failure.  It is inevitable.  Embrace it and when you do finally fail get back up...when you know that you can and will eventually fail but have the perseverance to try again you will never be overly confident.

Whether it is sports...music...dating...school...always know that you can succeed and do anything.  There will be instances of disappointment...but the feeling of joy when success is near will always be stronger.  Be confident in yourself.  No one ever succeeded without taking a leap of faith.

The Consequences of Addiction

Being physically and mentally dependent is known as addiction.  The idea of being physically and mentally dependent on a particular substance is very frightening.  When do you show signs that you are physically or mentally dependent?  Will you ever really know?

More often than not you will find times in your life where you become 'addicted' to something.  Sometimes it is a food.  Other times a television show.  Either way you look at it, you feel addicted.  The reality, however, is that most of you have never really experienced true addiction.

Addiction goes way beyond being upset you missed the newest episode of a sitcom or running out of chocolate ice cream...have you ever been so dependent on something that you have to have it, no matter the cost?  Do you know what that feels like?

Anything can become addicting.  I know that in my life it has been friendships.  Being mentally unstable for the majority of my adult life left me grasping for something that was stable.  I always found one person that I would attach myself to...a person that would essentially be my crutch.  Although it may have seemed beneficial to have a friend that was indeed stable, it was more destructive than you will ever know.

There are two completely different aspects of this destruction...on one hand you have the destruction that I was causing myself and on the other you have the destruction that I placed upon my friends.  It is one thing to destroy yourself, but when you take someone that you care about with you I guarantee that you will feel lost...lost in a sea of questions and doubts.

Being dependent on others will never be beneficial.  In what sense do you truly think that you will benefit from this?  You are not learning to take care of yourself.  You are not progressing in your own personal development and growth.  Instead you are riding on the coat-tails of another person...using their strength and energy to support you.

The independent friend will never benefit either.  Yes, it feels right to help a friend in need...but when is it right to stop helping?  When is it apparent that you are being lowered to their level?  In my opinion, I feel that all friendships have moments of support.  The entire friendship, however, can not be based upon help and support.  It will drag you down...it will depress...it will ruin your stable and positive relationships as you try and support another individual.  It essentially isn't fair for you...and, believe it or not, helping your friend is not fair for them because they never learn to support and take care of themselves.

Now even though we discussed addiction in the sense of friendship, there are several types of destructive addictions.  The most common is drug abuse.  I have known several friends that will do anything to get their fix.  They sell family and friend's possessions...they steal from local shops and retailers...they injure and harm others...and the effects of their fix are always temporary.  Will anyone ever truly understand what drug addicts go through without experiencing it for themselves?

I imagine that it isn't much different than finding your comfort zone.  When something becomes habitual it will instinctively become a comfort zone.  I know that when I was diagnosed bipolar my comfort zone was what I already knew...no medications...no therapy...no help.  I was essentially addicted to this feeling.  I would do anything to keep it this way.  I often lied about taking my medications...I would only go through the motions of therapy and never mentally attend the sessions...I would act certain ways around certain people and differently around others depending on what they needed to know to think that I was stable.  In all reality I was never stable...never taking care of myself...but I did whatever was necessary to convince others I was...to convince myself that I was.

Granted, being addicted to a substance is far worse...but I believe that same concept is in place.  

There is a silver lining, however, that addiction hides.  Although there will always be a negative stipulation with addiction (as there should be), a very positive side effect can occur.  When an individual finds the strength to break their addiction they will never be the same person.  Although it is very possible for an individual to relapse due to various reasons, the determination and willpower to conquer an instilled habit that defines your life will change some in one of the most rewarding ways they will experience.  You will feel liberated and free...you will feel powerful and like you are at the top of the world...you will feel like you can accomplish anything...and you should feel this way.  It is a very admirable feat that most never experience.  Again, this side effect 'can' occur...it does not happen in every case...but it can.

Never let addiction define your life.  It is far too easy to assume that you will never conquer it...that it is a part of who you are.  You can always change...you can always improve...and the person you become from changing will be a more vibrant, bright, and stronger image of yourself than anything you have ever imagined.  Define your own life...don't let something define it for you.

The Price of Loyalty

Loyalty: a strong feeling of support or allegiance

Loyalty is an interesting aspect of life.  Whether or not you agree, everyone has some form of loyalty to someone or something.  What or who are you loyal to?

I once had a supervisor that I truly respected.  He was the manager that helped me become the employee that I am today.  He helped me grow from a new and inexperienced manager into a growing and developing minion of corporate America. 

He never had to ask me to contribute 110% but the way he treated and respected me gave me the desire to give my all.  He was an amazing manager that changed my perspective in the career world.  The way that he acted towards me instilled a deep sense of loyalty.

With this loyalty, however, I became biased as to the way a business should be run.  I felt that everyone and every manager should run a company and business the way that my manager did.  As ideal as this was it ruined many job opportunities with many respected companies.  Although my loyalty was commendable, it turned into a destructive state of being.

With this example in mind, the idea of loyalty is very interesting and in some cases it comes with a price.  When someone is loyal to something or someone you devote your time and attention to that aspect in your life.  When you place that kind of devotion in your life you will naturally neglect other areas or aspects of your life.  

While not all loyalties end in this manner of neglect, the aspects or areas that do can and will be destructive.  Without a grasp on people or things to be loyal to you can ruin and injure the relationships and aspects of your life that are already positive.  By being loyal to a certain manager you will undoubtedly treat other managers and employees in a different and often degrading manner.  As much as being loyal can be positive you have to watch and maintain your other relationships.

The correct form of loyalty is to be loyal to everyone and everything that positively affects your life.  It is in this fashion that you gain respect and appreciation from others and for yourself.  There doesn't have to be a price for your loyalty...but misuse of your loyalty will result in pain and hardship.

Symbolism of the Past...Hope for the Future

I had a friend contact me today asking why I keep a particular item hanging from my rear-view mirror...I responded with a question: "If you had one single act that changed everything would you make a symbol of that event to represent the change and emotion that took place?"

The item in question was my identification bracelet that I was forced to wear during my last trip to the mental hospital.  I kept it...at first not knowing why...and then I realized why I was carrying it around.  I wanted to remember that event.  I wanted to remember everything that led up to my hospitalization - the pain, fear, depression, lack of control...and then I wanted to remember the strength I had to take the first step to getting help.

It may seem small...and not even necessary.  Many would just rely on the change that followed the event to be a better reminder...but when it comes down to it, how many actually remember the event at all without a constant reminder?  Almost every single time someone leaves from a life changing event they forget the emotion and decisions that led them to that pivotal crossroad...to the necessary change for a better outcome.  What good is change if there is no significant meaning behind it?

Personal experience has taught me that changing without a reason or a reminder will lead to a relapse...in other words, you will eventually fall into the same routine that you tried to change in the first place.  Without that constant reminder of the past it is very easy to take for granted the amazing strength and determination you found in your moment of struggle.  Why would you want to take the chance of falling back or regressing...is that worth losing all of the progress that you have made?

Granted, not every event that requires change is a life changing crossroad.  There will be many instances where little thought and emotion are needed to make a decision and change.  There will be, however, a small handful of moments and events that will test your will power and courage to change and make the current situation better.  It is in these moments where you should create a reminder...a symbol of the feat that you tackled.

Symbols are wonderful because they don't actually have to show others what they represent.  Lets say you were lost in the wilderness for two weeks and you found a way to survive.  You could represent that moment with a picture of the wilderness in your living room...or a key chain from the nearest gift shop from where you were lost.  No one would necessarily know that they were symbols, but you would forever remember the emotions and strength that they represent.  

For me I chose a hospital bracelet.  My symbol is pretty straight forward...and often times an awkward conversation starter with dates and friends.  I am not ashamed, however, of explaining the significance behind it.  It is a symbol of who I have become and the strength that I have gained.  It is a small symbol of my past...and it is my small glimpse of hope for the future.  

Never be afraid to remember the events and people that have made who you are.  Often times a subtle and gentle reminder is all it takes to keep focus and determination for a better future.

One Success...One Hundred Attempts

I have a previous entry that defines what real success is...in this entry I will explain the important process of achieving success.

How often does an athlete practice before he becomes a professional?  How many bruised shins, skinned knees, and cut ankles do skateboarders suffer from before they master a difficult trick?  How many pieces of paper does someone go through before they create an artistic masterpiece?

An athlete practices several times a day every day to become a professional...a skateboarder spends hour after hour and suffers through the pain of injury after injury just to successfully land one trick...an artist goes through several years of honing their skills and learning the necessary technique to create a masterpiece...

Wherever you see someone that has achieved success you should also see someone who has put forth extreme effort and passion.  Not one person who is considered successful attained this status overnight.  It takes determination, discipline, and perseverance.  

After years of struggling to grasp reality, I have finally achieved a state of stability.  I have hurt the ones that I love...I have hurt myself...I have lost great job opportunities...I have lost friendships...I have lost potential love interests...I have suffered.  In truth, I brought all of my hardships upon myself.  I created it all...and in my own destruction I tried as hard as I could every day to correct my situation.

I went through several different periods...or stages...of growth.  At age 18 I finally came to grips with my disorder and started to rekindle relationships with my family...at age 19 I found a job that I could advance in and enjoy...at age 20 I found a great friend that I potentially could have dated and maybe even married...for every attempt of achieving personal success, however, I found failure.  I always seemed to relapse and slip into an even darker state of mind.

After all of these attempts, all of my failures, I decided to have one last go at a chance of a different and better lifestyle.  At age 23 I checked myself into the mental institution at a nearby hospital...it wasn't easy...and it was a slap in the face with the firm hand of reality.  The information and stability that the visit instilled in me, however, has changed me forever.  

I now take my medication every night...I visit a therapist biweekly and a psychiatrist bimonthly...I participate in personal therapeutic activities...I chose to attend a technical college in a field of interest...I finally achieved financial stability...I have succeeded.

While many would find my success very insignificant I view it as life changing.  I finally feel free and emotionally mature.  I feel like a brand new me.  Like I mentioned above, however, this change didn't occur over night.  It took years of struggling and months of dedication after finally finding a path to a solution.

Success is more than winning the big game or getting the big promotion.  It is a personal victory...a reminder of all the effort, energy, and dedication you put forth in preparation for the moment when you finally succeed.  It represents the inner battle of doubt and belief...strength and weakness...triumph and failure...

If at first you don't succeed, try and try again...one day you will experience an overwhelming feeling of triumph and the struggles you persevered through will only magnify that feeling of accomplishment.  For every moment of success there are one hundred failed attempts...never give up.

As a Man Thinketh So is He

James Allen once wrote that "as a man thinketh, so is he..."  It fascinated me with how simple and yet so complex this statement is.  You would never randomly realize that what you think about determines who you are and how you act...and yet it is very true.

Every time you have taken action in life you have had a thought that fueled your actions.  Whether it was a two second decision or a week long decision, you have thought about everything that you have done before it took place.  The choice to wake up...the choice to go to work...the choice to not steal...the choice to give service...were all thought out in advance.

Thoughts are very powerful.  If you constantly think negatively you will seek out negative things...if you constantly worry you will be cautious and scared...if you are constantly finding the positive in everything then you will have a positive life.  The bottom line is that how you think and what you think about will become apparent in your life's decisions.

This entry was a mere glimpse into this topic of discussion.  I merely wanted to introduce some food for thought.  If you want the full and more in-depth version I recommend picking up James Allen's book entitled "As a Man Thinketh, So is He."  It is amazing and it will definitely make you look at life differently.

The Value of Success

What is the value of success?  Do material possessions and high income show how successful a person is?  Does an education at a highly respected and reputable school prove that you are more successful?  Does working at a minimum wage job to support your family and loved ones during times of depression signify that you are unsuccessful?

Society has set in place a standard of what success should look like.  Many find themselves suffering and depressed because they do not reach that bar that determines how successful they are.  Let me ask one question: have you ever wondered why those that are completely poor and struggling are more joyful and optimistic than those that are filthy rich and wealthy?  The answer lies in how these people value success.

Those that are wealthy have become successful in the eyes of the world.  They have become the CEO of a major company.  They live in a giant house in a high end neighborhood.  They drive expensive cars and send their kids to top notch colleges.  Why then are they unhappy?

Those that are poor and struggling are successful in the eyes of those that they love and respect...they are successful in their own minds.  They may not be in the most high paying career, but they have enough income to support and take care of those that they love.  They may not drive a BMW, but they can take their family and friends to soccer games, malls, movie theaters, or school.  They may not go to a top notch college but they payed for an education that helped them grow and succeed in ways that they needed.  Why are they happy?

The difference is in who they let decide they were successful.  When you live your life to impress others you will never find true happiness.  The reason is because you are not doing things for you.  You aren't doing things you enjoy.  You aren't taking part in things that are meaningful to you.  You are doing what you think is required to find happiness.

Happiness, however, is found not in following the views of society, but rather following the views of your family, friends, and religion.  So what if you don't make a six digit income.   So what if you don't drive a Lexus.  Do you really need those things to be happy?  Why can't you be happy knowing that you are a great father, husband, or friend to those around you?  Why can't you be happy knowing that you have a big enough income to take care of people you love?  Why can't you be happy knowing that you have reliable transportation to take you where you need to go?

The value of success is not determined by material possessions or status.  Success is measured in how happy and meaningful your life is.  If you have found a deep and amazing love with family, friends, and spouse then you are successful.  If you have a job or career that enables you to pay bills and take care of yourself and others needs then you are successful.  If you are happy...if you are optimistic...if you are loved and loving others...then you are successful.

Never let others tell you how to be successful.  What do you want?  What do you care about?  What makes you happy?  Those are the things that matter...those are the things that will make you valuable...those are the things that will make your life successful.

The Journey to Finding You

I was driving down the canyon today to get away and think.  I often take this drive when life's drama and troubles hit because the beautiful canyon's scenery and presence makes me feel calm and at peace.  With that said, this is the product of today's drive.

Picture yourself driving down a small, winding road passing through a canyon.  You have a long journey ahead as you make your way to the end of the canyon that holds a surprise you desperately want to see and experience.  It is a dark and lonely road that takes you left...right...up...down...sometimes you drive alongside raging rivers...sometimes you cross over bridges...sometimes there are calm and beautiful streams followed by gorgeous meadows filled with greenery...and sometimes you are surrounded by steep walls filled with jagged and dangerous rocks.  While driving down this road, no matter what your scenery or conditions for traveling are, you will continue down your path and eventually get to the end where you are pleasantly surprised by a magnificent sun rise.

This picture is a perfect representation of the journey that everyone makes to find themselves; who they really are and who they really want to become.

When you are searching for yourself you will often find yourself alone and in many dark and dreary situations.  You will experience moments where life is crazy, terrifying, and unpredictable just as the course of a raging river.  You will experience moments where life is as peaceful and serene as a steady stream.  Sometimes you will find beauty in unknown and unexpected things just as you would find beauty in a tranquil meadow.  Sometimes, however, you will find yourself surrounded by damaging and dangerous situations just as you would as if driving through a canyon known for dangerous falling rocks.

No matter what you encounter the road will be long, hard, and many times you will want to quit and turn back to the person that you were and the person that you knew.  The strength, determination, and faith that you gain from your ordeal, however, will eventually take you to the end of that road where you will be able to watch and enjoy a beautiful sun rise; the sun rise representing a new person with a new sense of purpose and direction.

Everyone's journey is different.  Some short and others extremely long.  Some are an everlasting uphill drive pushing you to your limits while others seem to enjoy a steady downhill ride that allows them to coast.  What no one really realizes, however, is that you will never know someone's journey and the surroundings along their road.  What may seem simple and beautiful to you could be frustrating and hopeless for others.  Something that you struggle with others will find amusing and easy.  In this way, no one should ever judge or compare their own journey to another individual.  How can you expect to drive down your road if all you can think about and focus on is your neighbors road and how easy or hard they have it?

The hardest part in all of this is deciding to embark on your journey.  You will need to be prepared and, as odd as it sounds, you need to be truly lost and confused to find your way.  It is only in your darkest hours that you will find the courage, strength, and determination to change your current path and follow a new one. 

For those waiting to embark, take your time.  There is no time limit.  There is no prize for finishing before others.  The journey is to help you change your life for the better.  Treat it as such.  Eventually you will reach a point where that journey is necessary.

For those getting ready to embark you should remember and keep in mind three important things:

1) Your journey will not be easy but extremely hard and difficult.

2) You will want to quit when the road and journey seems impossible.

3) There will always be a solution to help you succeed and continue on.  Whether it is family, friends, or complete strangers, you will be given the right tools to fix your broken or damaged path.

If you continue on and persevere to the very end you will see your sun rising.  You will feel accomplished.  You will feel stronger.  You will feel like you finally have a purpose and a reason to live.  It will be the most beautiful and meaningful sun rise you will ever watch...for that sun rising is a representation of you have finally become and longed to be.

The person that you find within will affect your life and other lives ways that you never thought possible.  You will now be able to help those in need.  You will now be able to support your loved ones.  You will now have a future carved out.  You will feel an overwhelming sense of joy and happiness.  More importantly, you will be the person you need to be to start the new, longer, and even harder journey down the road of life.

Just as you witnessed a beautiful start to a new day after a very dark night, you will also come to witness an even more beautiful sunset at the end of the road of life.

Finding yourself is an essential step in finding balance and meaning within.  You will find progress, growth, and strength not only in physical aspects but with your mental health as well.  This change, however, is only the beginning.  The foundation and direction that you have found will lead you to your life's goal of witnessing your sun set after a beautiful day.