It has been a very long time since my last entry...but I feel like I have saved this post for the absolute best possible time. I have been sitting on this topic since the beginning of this blog's creation...waiting to finally write on it and share it.
Life has a way of forcing you to bend where...and when...it wants you to. Often individuals go through life accepting what has been handed to them whether good...or bad...and act perfectly content. It is in this state of being that I have found people tend to "give up" after accepting what the world deems necessary of them. Right when people finally get to the point where they can heal and change they find an excuse to stay stagnant right where they are. I was in this position. I had given up. I had become stagnant and I had let others decide my fate and my happiness.
I have written on my experiences over the last two years on having grown and developed into more of the man that I will forever strive to be. I have realized the true meaning and definition of a friend...both spiritually and temporally. I have discovered ways of calming and relaxing myself through therapeutic releases. I have learned to stay optimistic even when things seem absolutely lost and hopeless. I have rekindled the religious light that was once dim.
Throughout all of these lessons I developed an amazing sense of satisfaction and happiness...and, in the process, developed a temporary void...a void that only an eternal companion could fill.
When one thinks of a best friend they quickly filter through their library of past and current friends and end on the one friend that held the biggest impact on their life. After that initial thought we tend to cycle through all of our friends thinking of what traits and personalities made them an acceptable friend during that time in our life. As we gather these traits we form an idea, usually subconsciously, on what a friend should be and how they should act.
When one thinks of a compatible mate they quickly filter through their library of failed or lost relationships with the opposite sex. We pick the traits...the features...the beliefs...the things that we want and desire in our eternal companion...and we hold dear to these ideas. We grasp on to the concept of that "perfect" person that will sweep you off your feet and fulfill all your hopes, dreams, and fantasies.
When one thinks of a spouse...what do they see? Do they see their past dating life...or do they see a potential best friend? Do they think of all the traits of a best friend...or do they seek the traits of a suitable mate? While these may sound the same...I truly feel they are completely different but both necessary.
I have often seen couples that look...well...perfect. You get Barbie with her Ken and they look disgustingly good together...all perfect, chiseled...with emphasized, yet overly pointless, features. While there may be a genuine love I often feel that Barbie hooks up with Ken due to the stereotype that beautiful people equals happiness...the more attractive your spouse is the happier your life is. Their love is often formed on their features they have pictured their spouse having. After all, no one wants to marry someone unattractive...but does that always provide the sustaining feelings of love and appreciation? Will physical features always form your opinions of what happiness is?
On the flip side you see the ultimate nerd fall for an even bigger nerd and they, too, look disgustingly good together. But if they do not marry someone who follows the worlds standards of beauty what sustains their need of support and love? What is their foundation? The answer is simple - they are each other's best friend. They do not see each other as a boyfriend or girlfriend...they see each other for what they are worth. They see the individual inside and as such find a beauty that the world often forgets.
I used to dwell more on the physical side in my youth. I will admit that I was probably a little shallow. As a result I dated girls that didn't mesh with my personality and that couldn't fulfill my wants and needs. They were never friends. They were never best friends. They were attractive girls that I thought would lead me to happiness.
As time went on I slowly changed. You start to realize that you don't necessarily want Barbie...or Ken. You start to realize that the most beautiful people around are those that see you for who you are and treasure your companionship. You start to see potential dating prospects differently. The cashier in Old Navy slowly starts to look uglier and the girl next door quickly looks more and more attractive.
I started looking for a best friend. I started to look for someone that I was not only attracted to physically but someone who had a personality that I could cherish and love. Someone that I could depend on. Someone to take care of me. Someone who I felt would not be wasting my time and my efforts...someone who appreciated me and loved me for who I was in return.
I started to think that this kind of girl doesn't exist. I searched for five years...with only ten dates at the most. Then, when I had finally accepted that I might go years without finding an eternal companion, a message came to me through facebook. Through an old college professor I was introduced to my soon-to-be wife...and my world changed.
For the sake of convenience I will refer to her as my wife for the rest of this entry - especially since in three days miss Dianna Nelson will officially be my wife.
Since the beginning of our relationship I felt something different. I know that everyone says that. I never believed it. But it is true. While I thought she was super cute...there was an aspect to her that peaked my curiosity. That first date was fun...she was super nervous...but fun...and smart...and she put me in my place after trash talking that I could waste her in Dr. Mario. But past all of that...there was a wow factor.
My wife loved talking to me. As far as I am concerned, she still does. We have talked every day since we met. Every. Day. We would talk about everything and nothing. We would laugh and at the same time have deep conversations. It wasn't long before a sense of fulfillment and joy came from our conversations. I looked forward to hearing from her and I looked forward to our talks, no matter how small. I cherished the small amount of time we got to spend face to face...either on dates or just hanging out.
I started to see her differently more and more as time went on. I saw an everyday, pretty girl next door change into the most beautiful person I've ever known. She is this way because of who she is. She takes care of me. She thinks about me. She worries about me. She laughs at me and with me. She smiles at me. She helps me see a side of me I couldn't see anymore.
While I was lucky and found someone physically beautiful that is not the focus of my love for her. Her beauty is far more than a pretty set of hair extensions or fake eyelashes. She contains something far more valuable to me...a best friend.
I know that for the rest of my life I will never wake up wishing I was somewhere else. I will never look at her in the morning or when she is sick and say "ughh.....where's the makeup?" I will never wish that I could just take a break and leave for awhile. I love my wife. I cherish her. I adore her.
I love that she holds my hand...and I love that she loves to hug me. They are such simple acts of love...and yet they mean more to me than she will ever know. Her calling me "darlin" in a cute southern accent lights my day. I look forward to being with her for the rest of eternity.
The title of this entry was both a tribute to her and a deeper meaning to me that she had never known. Scientists have proven that being out in nature with the skies blue and the sun shining bright will lift you out of the darkest of moods. It will pick you up and lighten your day. It gives you something to look forward to. I have always called her sunshine because to me she is that ray of sunshine that lightens my day and lifts me up. I know that no matter what mood she is in that she will make me smile and calm down. She helps me see whats truly important and she helps me grow into what I always knew I could be. She has a way of making me feel special...and she has a way of making me feel important. She
is the greatest example of both love and spirituality that I have ever
known...and she is far more than I could have ever hoped for.
I guess when it comes down to it...this entry is for those that have lost hope in finding a companion...and more importantly this is for her. I encourage everyone to never give up on finding their ray of sunshine in life...it goes a long way...and it gives you a sense of purpose...and for those who truly know what I mean and share the same passion about their wife...be sure to tell her.
Miss Dianna Sunshine...I love you.
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