A Little Sunshine Goes a Long Way

It has been a very long time since my last entry...but I feel like I have saved this post for the absolute best possible time.  I have been sitting on this topic since the beginning of this blog's creation...waiting to finally write on it and share it.


Life has a way of forcing you to bend where...and when...it wants you to.  Often individuals go through life accepting what has been handed to them whether good...or bad...and act perfectly content.  It is in this state of being that I have found people tend to "give up" after accepting what the world deems necessary of them.  Right when people finally get to the point where they can heal and change they find an excuse to stay stagnant right where they are.  I was in this position.  I had given up.  I had become stagnant and I had let others decide my fate and my happiness.


I have written on my experiences over the last two years on having grown and developed into more of the man that I will forever strive to be.  I have realized the true meaning and definition of a friend...both spiritually and temporally.  I have discovered ways of calming and relaxing myself through therapeutic releases.  I have learned to stay optimistic even when things seem absolutely lost and hopeless.  I have rekindled the religious light that was once dim.  


Throughout all of these lessons I developed an amazing sense of satisfaction and happiness...and, in the process, developed a temporary void...a void that only an eternal companion could fill.  


When one thinks of a best friend they quickly filter through their library of past and current friends and end on the one friend that held the biggest impact on their life.  After that initial thought we tend to cycle through all of our friends thinking of what traits and personalities made them an acceptable friend during that time in our life.  As we gather these traits we form an idea, usually subconsciously, on what a friend should be and how they should act.  


When one thinks of a compatible mate they quickly filter through their library of failed or lost relationships with the opposite sex.  We pick the traits...the features...the beliefs...the things that we want and desire in our eternal companion...and we hold dear to these ideas.  We grasp on to the concept of that "perfect" person that will sweep you off your feet and fulfill all your hopes, dreams, and fantasies. 


When one thinks of a spouse...what do they see?  Do they see their past dating life...or do they see a potential best friend?  Do they think of all the traits of a best friend...or do they seek the traits of a suitable mate?  While these may sound the same...I truly feel they are completely different but both necessary.


I have often seen couples that look...well...perfect.  You get Barbie with her Ken and they look disgustingly good together...all perfect, chiseled...with emphasized, yet overly pointless, features.  While there may be a genuine love I often feel that Barbie hooks up with Ken due to the stereotype that beautiful people equals happiness...the more attractive your spouse is the happier your life is.  Their love is often formed on their features they have pictured their spouse having.  After all, no one wants to marry someone unattractive...but does that always provide the sustaining feelings of love and appreciation?  Will physical features always form your opinions of what happiness is?


On the flip side you see the ultimate nerd fall for an even bigger nerd and they, too, look disgustingly good together.  But if they do not marry someone who follows the worlds standards of beauty what sustains their need of support and love?  What is their foundation?  The answer is simple - they are each other's best friend.  They do not see each other as a boyfriend or girlfriend...they see each other for what they are worth.  They see the individual inside and as such find a beauty that the world often forgets.  


I used to dwell more on the physical side in my youth.  I will admit that I was probably a little shallow.  As a result I dated girls that didn't mesh with my personality and that couldn't fulfill my wants and needs.  They were never friends.  They were never best friends.  They were attractive girls that I thought would lead me to happiness.


As time went on I slowly changed.  You start to realize that you don't necessarily want Barbie...or Ken.  You start to realize that the most beautiful people around are those that see you for who you are and treasure your companionship.  You start to see potential dating prospects differently.  The cashier in Old Navy slowly starts to look uglier and the girl next door quickly looks more and more attractive.  


I started looking for a best friend.  I started to look for someone that I was not only attracted to physically but someone who had a personality that I could cherish and love.  Someone that I could depend on.  Someone to take care of me.  Someone who I felt would not be wasting my time and my efforts...someone who appreciated me and loved me for who I was in return.  


I started to think that this kind of girl doesn't exist.  I searched for five years...with only ten dates at the most.  Then, when I had finally accepted that I might go years without finding an eternal companion, a message came to me through facebook.  Through an old college professor I was introduced to my soon-to-be wife...and my world changed.  


For the sake of convenience I will refer to her as my wife for the rest of this entry - especially since in three days miss Dianna Nelson will officially be my wife. 


Since the beginning of our relationship I felt something different.  I know that everyone says that.  I never believed it.  But it is true.  While I thought she was super cute...there was an aspect to her that peaked my curiosity.  That first date was fun...she was super nervous...but fun...and smart...and she put me in my place after trash talking that I could waste her in Dr. Mario.  But past all of that...there was a wow factor.


My wife loved talking to me.  As far as I am concerned, she still does.  We have talked every day since we met.  Every.  Day.  We would talk about everything and nothing.  We would laugh and at the same time have deep conversations.  It wasn't long before a sense of fulfillment and joy came from our conversations.  I looked forward to hearing from her and I looked forward to our talks, no matter how small.  I cherished the small amount of time we got to spend face to face...either on dates or just hanging out.  


I started to see her differently more and more as time went on.  I saw an everyday, pretty girl next door change into the most beautiful person I've ever known.  She is this way because of who she is.  She takes care of me.  She thinks about me.  She worries about me.  She laughs at me and with me.  She smiles at me.  She helps me see a side of me I couldn't see anymore.


While I was lucky and found someone physically beautiful that is not the focus of my love for her.  Her beauty is far more than a pretty set of hair extensions or fake eyelashes.  She contains something far more valuable to me...a best friend.  


I know that for the rest of my life I will never wake up wishing I was somewhere else.  I will never look at her in the morning or when she is sick and say "ughh.....where's the makeup?"  I will never wish that I could just take a break and leave for awhile.  I love my wife.  I cherish her.  I adore her.  


I love that she holds my hand...and I love that she loves to hug me.  They are such simple acts of love...and yet they mean more to me than she will ever know.  Her calling me "darlin" in a cute southern accent lights my day.  I look forward to being with her for the rest of eternity.


The title of this entry was both a tribute to her and a deeper meaning to me that she had never known.  Scientists have proven that being out in nature with the skies blue and the sun shining bright will lift you out of the darkest of moods.  It will pick you up and lighten your day.  It gives you something to look forward to.  I have always called her sunshine because to me she is that ray of sunshine that lightens my day and lifts me up.  I know that no matter what mood she is in that she will make me smile and calm down.  She helps me see whats truly important and she helps me grow into what I always knew I could be.  She has a way of making me feel special...and she has a way of making me feel important.  She is the greatest example of both love and spirituality that I have ever known...and she is far more than I could have ever hoped for.


I guess when it comes down to it...this entry is for those that have lost hope in finding a companion...and more importantly this is for her.  I encourage everyone to never give up on finding their ray of sunshine in life...it goes a long way...and it gives you a sense of purpose...and for those who truly know what I mean and share the same passion about their wife...be sure to tell her.  


Miss Dianna Sunshine...I love you.

Persistence Against Resistance

So I took the time to take a leisurely drive yesterday through the wonderful American Fork canyon.  It has been months since my car last traversed the twisted road and with winter quickly approaching I felt like experiencing a brief moment of nature.

The wonderful thing about the canyon is that you immediately enter a new world.  With cliffs, streams, overhanging trees, lakes...the trail is never ending and full of possibilities.  More importantly there is no cell phone service...which means I was completely alone.  Now, regarding my last blog entry, there are some instances where being all alone is wonderful.  When in nature and in need of a time out alone time is almost necessary.

While driving up the canyon I always enjoy being able to just think about life and things that I can use for metaphors, analogies, and topics that I can ponder and write about.  Today's venture resulted in a few topics: cracking the ice, clearing the water, and finally the topic for today's entry - persistence against resistance.

Sometimes in life you will hear people say that 'persistence is key'.  What does that mean?  No, seriously...they always say it in the most awkward moments and none of those moments ever seem applicable to the saying.  Other times you will people say something like 'resist the temptation'.  My response to this is how do you know that I am tempted and what things tempt me?

I decided to put my own theories and thoughts into these 'sayings'.

There are moments where being persistent can open doors and opportunities...there are times when being persistent can help battle addictions, problems in life, etc...there are moments where being persistent is the only option. 

Resistance is equally powerful.  Being resistant can prevent possible dangers...being resistant can save friendships and family ties...

With both words being equally as positive why would I place them in a sentence opposing one another?  The answer - sometimes in life we encounter situations where people will 'resist' what is necessary and sometimes people will persist when you they shouldn't.  In this way you always need to ask yourself what you are resisting or what you are persisting.

Persisting that your child gets good grades seems positive but sometimes it can hurt the relationship based on the circumstances of the child.  Resisting against your parents because they are controlling your teenage life can make it seem like they are only trying to sabotage your youth and will create a sense of hate.  Both can damage loving relationships.

On a different scale, and possibly more applicable, is the correlation of this concept with friendships.  Constantly bantering your friends to act one way...preaching your ideals to them in hopes of 'saving' or helping'...these seem perfectly acceptable but they aren't.  In what world does someone want to have a close friend tell them that they are living completely wrong?  In what world does someone want a friend that constantly puts them down?  The more you persist the more they will resist until there is nothing left but hurt feelings and broken friendships.

Now while I have mostly stated negative situations there are exceptions.  You will eventually run across a situation where as hard as it is you need to persist or you need to resist.  A friend who shuts the world out due to a bad relationship needs to have a persistent friend that wants to be just that, a friend.  A kid who struggles with drugs needs to resist the habits that can potentially end his life.   

Sometimes we need to choose our battles and sometimes we need to lose.  As individuals we will always have our own thoughts and motives.  We will always see the situation as we see fit.  We need to learn when and where to persist and when to resist.  There is never one without the other.  If there isn't resistance then there was never persistence...if there was never persistence then there was never any resistance.

Analyze what course you take.  Sometimes what you think is right....is wrong.  Sometimes what you think is wrong....is right.  Sometimes what you think is true...is false.  Sometimes what you think is false...is true.  Sometimes when you persist...you should resist.  Sometimes when you resist...you should persist.  Be careful with what you choose for you never know when it can drastically hurt you...or miraculously help.

A Sea of One in an Ocean of Many

I am usually against writing personal feelings...but unfortunately I feel like I need to.  

Life is great.  Fantastic even.  There is a void, however, that I find harder and harder to fill.  

As time goes on, people grow.  My sister is now getting married and with that comes the realization that I am about to give my best friend away to a great guy.  All of my friends from the last few years are happily married and venturing out on their own.  The struggle with all of this....where does that leave me?

While I am very happy, I find myself struggling to stay 'sane'.   I find myself daily trying to take my mind off things by etching designs into wood or making desk lamps from scratch...and at first I thought that I was just stressed with the end of my schooling or working too much...but I finally know what is 'weighing' my mind down - the lack of companionship.

With my few friends being married...or soon to be married...I really do not have any companionship other than my family.  With my father out of town every 6 days, I try to take care of my mother...and my siblings still at home.  I never really thought anything of it.  I let them use my car...I pick my siblings up and take them places...I help around the house...I fix broken cars and accessories...I help my younger siblings with my homework (which, on a side note, it is really cool to get 12 'A's in one semester)...I like feeling like people depend on me.  I like knowing that I help.  I like knowing that I make a difference...but my family are not people my age...or people with my maturity...or girls that I would like to befriend.

I hate being alone.  Loathe it.  While I love my space and my privacy, I ultimately hate being the only one around.  I love being needed.  I love taking care of others.  It is the one feeling that I know will make me happy no matter what my circumstances in life are...but sometimes it would be nice to be taken care of.

I try to be the strong silent type...but I am very loud, and in my opinion, funny...I like to act independent and macho...but I still tear up in movies...I like to show that I am okay on my own...but even I need someone from time to time...

In many ways I feel...like I am missing out on my young adult years.  I have been so focused on growing up and taking care of my family that I have no friends to just 'hang out' with.  I wouldn't trade my experiences with my family for anything though...they are my support and it is nice to give back and support them...

I guess all I want is a best friend.  I want someone other than my family that is willing to get to know me...not just the loud, joking, sarcastic, nice guy...but the serious side as well.  Unfortunately, at my age guys are not the best option for 'best friends'......but that is just life for you.


Now many of you are probably thinking that I am super depressed...but I am not.  Like I mentioned above I am very happy.  I am very proud of my life and enjoy the benefits of my family and my progress.  But in some ways I do feel like a 'sea of one in an ocean of many'.

Learn to Be Still

Technology has come a long way...cell phones are no longer 10 pound bricks, televisions are flat, movies are in 3D, there are touch screen tablets...the list goes on.  Technology has allowed us to stay connected to everyone and everything around us.  How is someone feeling today - check Facebook.  How can I tell everyone what I am doing - use Twitter.  How can I avoid conversations and unwanted interactions - escape to the comfort of your smart phone or ipod/pad.  With everyone being able to see how you are feeling and with everything at your fingertips every second of every day...do you know how you TRULY feel and do you know how to survive on YOUR own?

Technology is a double edged sword.  It creates ease in everything we do.  We can get in touch with people we lost contact with long ago, we can text friends without calling to exchange messages, we can instantly watch and stream movies and television to any device...in many ways technology has made life easy and convenient...but that's not necessarily a good thing.

If we are always connected how do we ever think for ourselves?  Do you know how you honestly feel about the news or do you rely on others' comments to form your own opinion?  Do you act certain ways just because you know that the entire Facebook community can see it and judge you for it?  Do you avoid all personal interaction through the internet so that you don't have to cope with daily life?

There is an inherit danger with the advances in technology - we are forgetting how to be human.  Humans make mistakes...interact with friends through face-to-face conversations...solve problems by using their own logic and common sense or through trial and error.  For all of you that think that these are a waste of time or unnecessary YOU ARE WRONG.

Making mistakes, personal interactions, problem solving - these all help develop and sculpt your personality, mindset, and confidence.  If you have to rely on a mechanic to change your windshield wipers or check your oil...if you have to play a video game to find happiness...if you have to solve your problems by escaping into the vast internet...you are too dependent on society and technology to fix your problems and provide happiness.


People have forgotten how to live on their own and think for themselves.  Instead of taking a break and working things out we use technology to provide for anything and everything.  We no longer know how to find answers, peace, and happiness on our own.  We have forgotten how to find inner peace...we have forgotten how to be 'still'.


It is statistically proven that people who take a break outside in a park and away from the technological advances of life are genuinely happier and less stressed with their daily tasks.  Why?  The answer lies with what surrounds them.  Being disconnected can show you what you really need.  If you don't have to worry about your friend calling for dating advice every minute you can solve your own problems and worry about you.  You can leave the stress of your office behind and find freedom in the vast and tranquil world of nature.  


It is statically proven that those that complete manual labor are happier with their lives.  Manual labor will show immediate progress.  You will see the effects of your work and your effort unfold before you without having to wait for an internet connection or approval from your boss.  


It is statistically proven that those that choose to interact through personal methods are more confident.  If you ask a girl out in person how do you feel?  If you are asked out by a boy in person how do you feel?  Do you feel special in the fact that they took the time to seek you out and take a personal interest in you?  After all, people don't talk or associate with people that they don't want to be around.  Do you feel more accomplished when you get to see the pleasant astonishment of your superiors when they see the work and effort you put into your job?  Do you feel more loved when your family tells you how much you mean to them in person?  All of these situations will positively affect your life.  All of these interactions will increase your confidence.


With three statistical studies proving that technology can be detrimental we should all take a step back and learn to be still.  With the world falling into an ever deeper state of turmoil we all should learn how to take care of ourselves.  We should all learn how find our own answers...we should all learn how to be at peace with ourselves and the world.  We should all disconnect...


Challenge yourself and see what happens when you take a break.  Turn your phone off for an hour and take a scenic drive.  Take your significant other for a walk in the park and talk in person rather through instant messaging.  Use your own skills and creativity to fix little problems around the house and create fun and interesting projects.  

Technology will only continue to evolve and with that it will only be harder and harder to rely on yourselves and survive on our own...it will be harder to be silent, peaceful, and still.