A family's influence is vital to the development of your character. In many ways a family can make or break your success and perception of life. Although being successful and having a positive disposition is a choice that only you can make, family can have a major influence that sometimes makes it appear as if it isn't a choice at all.
In my personal opinion there are three types of families. Two of the three can be viewed as negative and only one positive.
The first of the two negative family types is "low expectations." Children and other family members are very susceptible to following the expectations given to them. If your mother says that you will never be smart enough, or if your father says that you will never be good enough, or if your siblings say that you are a horrible person, you will fashion your beliefs to fit these descriptions. The subconscious in you will only allow you to see what others see and only allow you to be what others think you are. With a family that always dwells on the negative aspects of life, a family that ultimately has no support system, you will find yourself struggling to break that mold. In this environment depression and lack of self confidence will appear due to following someone's belief of what you will never be.
The second negative family type is "high expectations." Some families are the exact opposite of the family type mentioned above. They will place unreal expectations on you that seem impossible. They will push you to be what they want you to be, what they think you can be and they will insist that the person you will become by following their guidance will be better. The thought process that this places on you, however, is very destructive. Instead of succeeding for yourself, you are succeeding for someone else. Instead of doing things for yourself or things that you want to do, you are following someone's image of who they think you are. When you aren't doing things for yourself it is very easy to run yourself into the ground by seeking the approval, praise, and love that you will receive by meeting your family's expectations. In this environment depression and self-degradation will appear due to the lack of meeting someone's expectations other than your own.
In these last two descriptions of certain family environments, however, it is possible to break free of the situation you find yourself in. It is always a choice to be who you want to be. It isn't their life, it is yours. Although their opinions will always affect you, you alone have the power to believe what they say and think. If you know you can accomplish something then do it. If you know that you do not enjoy being the perfect mold of high expectations and standards then follow your own expectations and standards. Just because they are your own views and opinions of who you are or can be doesn't make them wrong, they make them realistic and personal.
The final family type is the only one that I consider positive. It is in this family where someone feels free to be themselves and who they want to be. You will not be pressured to be what you know you can't be. You will not be told of what you will never be. You will be guided and supported to be the person that you want to be. They will offer advice and opinions of what they think is best but they will leave the choice up to you. They understand that it isn't their life, it is yours. Even though they will always keep their own beliefs of who you can or can't be, what you can and can't do, they know and respect your decision. It is this environment that you will feel safe, loved, and supported.
You will never be able to control what kind of family you have. No matter how hard you try and change it, you never will. You can, however, control yourself. By recognizing the kind of family environment that you find yourself a part of you can break the mold and be who you want to be. Whether it is either of the three, you are your own person. You make your own choices. You are who you want to be.
You never fail to amaze me.
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