Being physically and mentally dependent is known as addiction. The idea of being physically and mentally dependent on a particular substance is very frightening. When do you show signs that you are physically or mentally dependent? Will you ever really know?
More often than not you will find times in your life where you become 'addicted' to something. Sometimes it is a food. Other times a television show. Either way you look at it, you feel addicted. The reality, however, is that most of you have never really experienced true addiction.
Addiction goes way beyond being upset you missed the newest episode of a sitcom or running out of chocolate ice cream...have you ever been so dependent on something that you have to have it, no matter the cost? Do you know what that feels like?
Anything can become addicting. I know that in my life it has been friendships. Being mentally unstable for the majority of my adult life left me grasping for something that was stable. I always found one person that I would attach myself to...a person that would essentially be my crutch. Although it may have seemed beneficial to have a friend that was indeed stable, it was more destructive than you will ever know.
There are two completely different aspects of this destruction...on one hand you have the destruction that I was causing myself and on the other you have the destruction that I placed upon my friends. It is one thing to destroy yourself, but when you take someone that you care about with you I guarantee that you will feel lost...lost in a sea of questions and doubts.
Being dependent on others will never be beneficial. In what sense do you truly think that you will benefit from this? You are not learning to take care of yourself. You are not progressing in your own personal development and growth. Instead you are riding on the coat-tails of another person...using their strength and energy to support you.
The independent friend will never benefit either. Yes, it feels right to help a friend in need...but when is it right to stop helping? When is it apparent that you are being lowered to their level? In my opinion, I feel that all friendships have moments of support. The entire friendship, however, can not be based upon help and support. It will drag you down...it will depress...it will ruin your stable and positive relationships as you try and support another individual. It essentially isn't fair for you...and, believe it or not, helping your friend is not fair for them because they never learn to support and take care of themselves.
Now even though we discussed addiction in the sense of friendship, there are several types of destructive addictions. The most common is drug abuse. I have known several friends that will do anything to get their fix. They sell family and friend's possessions...they steal from local shops and retailers...they injure and harm others...and the effects of their fix are always temporary. Will anyone ever truly understand what drug addicts go through without experiencing it for themselves?
I imagine that it isn't much different than finding your comfort zone. When something becomes habitual it will instinctively become a comfort zone. I know that when I was diagnosed bipolar my comfort zone was what I already knew...no medications...no therapy...no help. I was essentially addicted to this feeling. I would do anything to keep it this way. I often lied about taking my medications...I would only go through the motions of therapy and never mentally attend the sessions...I would act certain ways around certain people and differently around others depending on what they needed to know to think that I was stable. In all reality I was never stable...never taking care of myself...but I did whatever was necessary to convince others I was...to convince myself that I was.
Granted, being addicted to a substance is far worse...but I believe that same concept is in place.
There is a silver lining, however, that addiction hides. Although there will always be a negative stipulation with addiction (as there should be), a very positive side effect can occur. When an individual finds the strength to break their addiction they will never be the same person. Although it is very possible for an individual to relapse due to various reasons, the determination and willpower to conquer an instilled habit that defines your life will change some in one of the most rewarding ways they will experience. You will feel liberated and free...you will feel powerful and like you are at the top of the world...you will feel like you can accomplish anything...and you should feel this way. It is a very admirable feat that most never experience. Again, this side effect 'can' occur...it does not happen in every case...but it can.
Personally I can relate to some of this. High school was full of addicting yet toxic people for me (don't worry, not you buddy, which I think you have a better perspective of than most...I think there is a fine line between a synergistic relationship and a parasitic one. Friendships should be consistent, not rise and fall like the tide. The silver lining to which you speak something that troubles me a bit. In the words of Papa Roach "scars remind us the past is real." I don't look back on things I did with regret necessarily. Would I have acted differently based on what I know now? Absolutely. But I wouldn't change the things I learned. That rising-above feeling you speak of often leads to relapse, due to feeling untouchable. I'm not saying always, but it does happen. One should look for more of the synergistic things in life; one should try to dissolve the parasitic ones.
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