Every once in a while I find myself compelled to believe in a new idea...and not necessarily an idea but more of a 'wanted result.' It has happened with careers...friends...family...relationships...you name it and it has happened. Where do these beliefs come from? Why do we grasp and hold onto beliefs that aren't necessarily true?
I was speaking to a young acquaintance as I gave him a ride home from work. As we drove I proceeded to ask 'how's life?' in that friendly tone...whenever I ask this question I am merely creating small talk but the answer I heard caught my attention...'there's so much going on that I don't want to even think or talk about it dude'...
As the story unfolded I discovered that he was having troubles dealing with his parents. He is approaching that age where he wants to be out on his own but has nowhere to go and as such his relationship with family has gone south...to the point where his mother left earlier that day after he yelled at her...she left out of town not to be heard from for a few days.
Thinking back on my teenage days I had little to say to him...except that no matter what he does he should be kind to his parents...the worst thing you can do is shut your parents out...the worst thing you can do is abandon your support structure...
What thoughts were running through my friend's mind to make him feel this way? Was he angry that his parents were trying to protect him from the drugs and alcohol that he had consumed so many times before? Was he upset that his parents tried to be a part of his life?
At the same time, what thoughts are running through his parents' minds? Does my son not love me? Did I fail as a parent? Is he a lost cause?
Often times life throws curve balls...situations that lead us to follow thoughts and beliefs that are far from the truth. Your heart...your mind...they effect how you react, think, feel...people often say 'follow your heart' and sometimes this is not the right choice. Sometimes your heart and mind will falsify truths or place unwanted feelings of pain and distress...sometimes despite your best efforts you are wrong.
No one wants to believe that they are wrong. No one wants to think that it was their fault. No one wants to be hurt...so instead we create fallacies from within that we choose to believe. When hurt and afraid it is far easier to place blame on others and justify your actions based on these accusations. When frustrated and angry it is more convenient to yell and provoke others until you get your way. When depressed or sad it is easy to play the victim.
Your heart and mind are not a one way street. Just because it is your heart doesn't mean you have to follow it. Just because it is your mind doesn't mean you have to believe it. It is normal to doubt oneself and it is normal to get angry, frustrated, or hurt. Raw emotions like these will always alter your reality...but you ultimately choose when to listen and follow your emotions.
When lost and confused take a time out. Think to yourself. Talk to a friend. Talk to your parents. Listen to your music. Relax...eventually the truths of your heart and mind will emerge. It may be hard...it may take humility...it may be a long process...but you will be better for it...and you will be happier.
Never lie to yourself. Teach yourself to find the real answers from within. Your heart and mind will always create fallacies...but only you know the truth.
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