Friends will make or break you. More times than not a friend will influence you just as much, if not more, than a family member. I was curious as to the exact definition of a friend so I looked it up. The definition is as follows:
-Friend:
noun: a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection
Thesaurus: companion, soul mate, intimate, ally
The four thesaurus entries that I included demonstrate and clearly explain why so many proclaim 'choose your friends carefully.' Companion and ally are both terms that express what a friend can be. A close friend that has a positive influence on you is an ally that will help and support you in all that you do. A companion is someone who will stand by you no matter what you are going through (i.e. relationships, work, school, family, etc.).
Soul mate and intimate, however, take the word 'friend' to a more emotional level. Many consider a soul mate as the person that is the perfect 'match' for you. With a soul mate one will experience a deep love and an overwhelming compassion for who you really are. They will stick by you, support you, and will uplift you in even the darkest times. It is in this aspect that the word intimate is brought into the mix. In order to fully understand what a soul mate really is you have to get to know someone on an intimate level. The word 'intimate' roughly means that you are very closely connected to someone. When you gain this deep and emotional connection with someone you are easily shaped and molded into the kind of person that they physically and emotionally need.
Both sets of words show how important picking the right friend is. Choosing someone who affects you negatively and provides a negative influence on your thoughts and actions can, and will, cripple you. Instead of finding companionship and an ally you find all of your previous friends and family as 'enemies.'
When someone falls into this mindset, when they have this negative influence from a friend, they will unknowingly hurt those around them. I know this from personal experience. Several times in my life I have let people that I thought I knew into my life. As I became closer to them their influence shifted from being what I thought would be positive to the exact opposite: negative. The problem, however, isn't that I didn't know I was hurting others, but rather that I was afraid of facing the reality that I didn't know how to get out of my destructive relationship. I felt that if I stayed, if I held to what I believed a friendship should be, that my influence over my friend would overpower them. At the same time, however, I knew that if I couldn't overpower them that I would lose my sense of who I really was.
This vicious cycle consumes many lives. The love that one shows for others will say something about the kind of friend that you will be. Many times, however, people have learned how to put up a facade that hides who they really are. My experiences have taught me that there comes a point where you have to evaluate your friendships. When you get to a point where you can feel your friend's actions affect you and your thoughts you need to ask yourself one important question: are the effects positive or negative and am I satisfied with how they are affecting me. If you fail to ask yourself this question you will often find yourself in the predicament of not knowing how to get out of a destructive relationship.
Being the loved one of a person stuck in a destructive relationship is a very difficult role to play. As a loved one you are afraid of the consequences that may occur from interfering and, at the same time, you are afraid of the consequences of letting things play out. Both feelings are so strong that it leaves you emotionally and physically drained. The love that you show, no matter how much you think it isn't helping, does make a difference in the life of who you love. Hold strong. Someday your actions and love will mean more than you know, even if they don't mean that much right now.
For those evaluating your friendships and relationships I ask you to step back and see the bigger picture. How are you affecting your friends and family? How are you being affected? Are you happy with the consequences that will and have happened? Trust me that the consequences of staying in a destructive relationship are far greater than the consequence of ending it. Hurting and damaging your relationships with your loved ones will hurt more than you will ever care to experience.
Friends will always play a vital role in the success of both your emotional and physical life. Be careful and weary of who you let into your life. Treasure the friendships that have allowed you to be where you are now. Most importantly, be the friend that you would want someone to be to you.
Deep dude! I like! A friend is always someone that I look for in every person. To the very extent of the words explained in your blog! Most often the friends I find will only eventually take advantage of me, but there are a few, a very small few, that have become the actual definition of what a friend is. They are spread out over a very large geographical area, but they are very close to my heart and I keep them in mind at all times. Thanks for this! It was very rewarding to read! Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteLove ya man,
Ryan